{"id":73836,"date":"2022-03-21T16:00:09","date_gmt":"2022-03-21T22:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/?p=73836"},"modified":"2022-07-20T16:00:27","modified_gmt":"2022-07-20T22:00:27","slug":"family-as-your-first-ministry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/family-as-your-first-ministry\/","title":{"rendered":"Family As Your First Ministry"},"content":{"rendered":"

Family As Your First Ministry<\/strong><\/span>
\nApril 21, 2020<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0in\u00a0<\/em>Man in the Mirror Blog<\/strong><\/a>
\nWhether you\u2019re looking for a better work\/life balance, wondering how to spiritually lead your family, or struggling relationally at home, a good starting point is recognizing that if you have a family, your family is your\u00a0first<\/em> ministry.<\/p>\n

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By the Man in the Mirror Team\u00a0<\/strong>
\nNo amount of success at work can compensate for failure at home. For leaders and pastors, it is also true that no amount of success\u00a0in ministry<\/em>\u00a0can compensate for failure at home.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s so easy to tell ourselves that we\u2019re working so much to provide more for our families, when what our families usually want is more of\u00a0us.<\/em><\/p>\n

Likewise, we can tell ourselves that God needs us to do the work of the church at the expense of all else, and yet we\u2019re commanded to love our families sacrificially (\u201cHusbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her\u2026\u201d\u00a0Ephesians 5:25<\/a>).<\/p>\n

Regularly we talk with people who overextended themselves for years, building a career or building a ministry at the expense of their marriage or relationships with their children. They bitterly wish they could turn back the clock.<\/p>\n

Whether you\u2019re looking for a better work\/life balance, wondering how to spiritually lead your family, or struggling relationally at home, a good starting point is recognizing that if you have a family, your family is your first ministry.<\/p>\n

For some, this time of altered daily life due to COVID-19 may provide a unique opportunity to hit the reset button, while for others, suddenly becoming a 24\/7 parent, empty nester, or long-distance brother or father is proving more challenging than ever!<\/p>\n

But no matter where you\u2019re starting from, we want to share some practical ideas and insights from real men\u2019s leaders and their families about how to make your family your first ministry in this season and every season.<\/p>\n

We asked everyone from young dads, lay leaders, pastors, wives, and adult children a few questions about this topic and we hope you\u2019ll find some suggestions in their answers that you can start applying right away to your own life!<\/p>\n

For men: How are you showing your family your love and God\u2019s love right now?<\/strong>
\nRob, husband and father of two:<\/strong>
\nWe have been doing family worship time for many years. The format has evolved as we\u2019ve learned from trial and error. I\u2019ve made a lot of mistakes but I\u2019ve also seen a lot of progress, and we\u2019ve always had the goal that it would be an enjoyable time for the kids. Now that our kids are older at 14 and 10, it\u2019s longer and more robust. Right now we are going through the Psalms with structured discussion time and praying together. I conclude with a family blessing, such as\u00a0Hebrews 13:20-21<\/a>.<\/p>\n

During this time of social distancing, we are just trying to keep things normal for them. We discuss it openly, in light of our faith, and explain that it\u2019s prudent during these times to protect others. We pray about it and ask them how they are feeling. We\u2019re careful not to create anxiety. We do family movie night every Friday and wings and game night on Saturday. So far, so good!<\/p>\n

Tyler, husband and father of two:<\/strong>
\nWith a third grader and preschooler, our days are just as full and exhausting now as they were before. However, the pace has slowed some. For instance, I go on bike rides with the kids early in the morning before they start their schoolwork and before I start work. We\u2019re having three meals together each day as a family, which has been great. And since my work and ministry schedules are more flexible right now, I\u2019ve served as my third grader\u2019s social studies and P.E. teacher a couple afternoons a week! That gives me an extra 30-60 minutes to spend quality time with her while we learn new things that we both enjoy (for example, we recently did a lesson on the Olympics). Most importantly, my wife and I have included Bible-reading time each morning in the kids\u2019 schedules.<\/p>\n

Nate, husband and father of three:<\/strong>
\nFor me, the most important thing to remember is that family IS ministry. It\u2019s very, very easy to put family on the back burner and let moments slip by that turn into days, weeks, months, and years. If we are not sacrificing ourselves for and serving our family, we will not be as effective in any other area of ministry or life.<\/p>\n

In order to treat my family as my first ministry, I know I have to make my wife first in my family. Although it can seem easier sometimes to love our children and devote our time to them, it is really a gift to my children when I pour into my wife, just as it\u2019s a gift to my wife when I allow the Spirit to pour into me by seeking Him first.<\/p>\n

When I\u2019m with my family, I aim to be fully present. I put my phone down, make eye contact, and put aside distractions. Especially right now, for my children, I\u2019m trying to take more walks, play more games, read the Bible, tell bedtime stories, engage in their education, and include them in what I\u2019m doing when possible.<\/p>\n

Jeremy, husband and father of three:<\/strong>
\nGod is revealing things to me right now in the little things, when I slow down and participate in our current circumstances. For example, my wife bought a manual coffee grinder earlier this year and a pour over set because she felt that us \u201cbeing more active in the process of making coffee would make the coffee taste even better.\u201d Normally, I would just push a button and then come back in two minutes to grab a cup. But every morning now in quarantine, I actively make coffee for about 10 minutes.<\/p>\n

I notice that some mornings, I feel a natural inclination to just zone out to the buzzing static of the grinder and ignore the kids\u2019 constant questions, rather than actually being present and paying attention. However, when I do stop and engage, everyone benefits and the whole morning shifts. I\u2019m finding myself cooking breakfast for my wife and kids more, unloading dishes, and engaging in conversations. I don\u2019t know if there\u2019s a correlation here, but it seems that when I want my coffee quickly and hurried, I endure my kids, and when I take my time to make something good, I enjoy my kids.<\/p>\n

Pat, husband, father of three, and grandfather of two:<\/strong>
\nWith all three of my sons\u2014each in their 30s\u2014I\u2019ve always tried to connect with them on at least a weekly basis, usually with a phone call.\u00a0I also attempt to text each of them at least a couple times a week\u2014once in a while to ask a question to get them to think, but most of the time just to check on them. They know I\u2019m probably available when I text so if they need someone to just listen, they will return it with a phone call.<\/p>\n

During this time of COVID-19, I delve a little deeper to find out the feelings they are experiencing at this time. There are feelings of guilt (\u201cI have the best job I\u2019ve ever had and most of my former coworkers are losing their jobs.\u201d), concern (\u201cI\u2019m trying not to get underfoot with my wife who always works from home,\u201d or \u201cHow will we make it without the commissions I earned?\u201d), and being overwhelmed (\u201cI\u2019m trying to keep up on everything for after this is over and the kids are around 24\/7; there\u2019s no break.\u201d). These conversations have led to some deeper discussions of who they are and\u00a0Whose<\/em>\u00a0they are. I\u2019ve spent time also sharing my concerns and feelings, giving them the opportunity to offer their own guidance in return.<\/p>\n

For wives: How does your husband make you feel like your family is his first ministry?<\/strong>
\nOlivia, wife and mother of three:<\/strong>
\nHe always checks with me before scheduling anything outside of his regular work and commitments, because he considers that time as first belonging to me and the kids. Because I stay home with the kids, when he comes home from work, he\u2019s \u201call-in,\u201d jumping in to help finish dinner, bathe the kids, or work on their reading. One of my favorite expressions of his is, \u201cMommy needs a moment\u2019s peace.\u201d I disappear for a bit to read alone and have some quiet, which helps me be a better wife and mom.
\nI appreciate that he\u2019s diligent with our finances, following our budget, saving, and planning for retirement. It\u2019s also clear that God is his priority. He\u2019s always striving to learn more about Him and the Bible. He sees leading our family spiritually as part of his daily mission.<\/p>\n

Carla, wife of a youth pastor and mother of two:<\/strong>
\nI\u2019ll be brutally honest with you; ministry is tough. There is not a day that goes by that he\u2019s not getting a call or text about work or ministry or someone needing him for something. Pastors are so accessible by cell phone now. But because I am also called into ministry, I have a tender heart for it. And I can tell recently that he is making an effort to put his phone away for periods of time to truly not be distracted when we\u2019re together; his days off are reserved for our family.<\/p>\n

He also makes me feel like a priority by asking me first before he adds something ministry-related to his calendar. And if I ever need something, or am not feeling well, or if the kids truly need his undivided attention, we know he would drop it all in a minute to be with us. I remember when our son was a baby and had colic. There were several times when he had planned to go to an extracurricular activity to support a student in his ministry after work, but he could tell I\u2019d had a hard day. He\u2019d cancel and come home without me having to ask. He\u2019d just realize that it was probably not the best night to do more ministry and that it wouldn\u2019t make or break his relationship with that student to miss it.<\/p>\n

Jamie, wife and mother of two:<\/strong>
\nI think he does a good job at cultivating a grace-based environment in our home. He and I aren\u2019t perfect and our preschoolers aren\u2019t perfect, but he sets an example by being quick to sincerely apologize and quick to forgive. It reminds me of a quote I like by Peter Ustinov: \u201cLove is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.\u201d Operating out of such lavish grace demonstrates the gospel to our kids more richly than a hundred lessons could.<\/p>\n

During this unique time when we\u2019re all home, some days are absolute chaos and we arrive at the end exhausted. But he still manages to stay present and engaged, whether it\u2019s teaching our daughter how to bake bread, building a tower out of blocks with our son, or preparing communion for the two of us on Sunday morning. I never doubt that we rank after God but before all others.<\/p>\n

For children: How did your dad make you feel loved and prioritized?<\/strong>
\nChristina, daughter of a pastor:<\/strong>
\nWhen we were growing up, my dad used to take us each on special, one-on-one excursions. I remember those made us feel so important and special. Now that we\u2019re all adults, he texts us at least once a week to tell us that he loves us and that what we\u2019re doing is making a difference. He has also taken off work, even now that we\u2019re adults, to be there for special life events.<\/p>\n

We felt comfortable with him sometimes missing a family gathering due to working extra hours at the church, because we knew that when it was really important to us, he\u2019d be there. He\u2019s proven himself to us by always being accessible and available when we need him.<\/p>\n

Mia, daughter of a pastor:<\/strong>
\nI love \u201ccatching\u201d him reading his Bible. In the unseen time with the Lord, he must get a bunch of wisdom, because he seems to always know when one of us is going through something, and He seeks us out to check in!<\/p>\n

Carla, daughter of a pastor:<\/strong>
\nAs a child, we all served the church as a family. For example, there were times on a family vacation that we\u2019d stop at the Hospital on a road trip so my dad could visit a church member who was there. It was cool because we all learned what it was to live in ministry and love sacrificially. And still, we knew that our family was the top priority. He made sure to take days off and get away in order to spend special time with us. While ministry can be a 24\/7 job, I think the key is making your family feel like you\u2019re all in it together.<\/p>\n

For those struggling: How can you make your family your first ministry when there\u2019s constant conflict?<\/strong>
\nWe know that many families have difficult relationships and painful dynamics. If you aren\u2019t sure where to begin, prayer is a great place to start. Commit to praying daily for your spouse if you\u2019re married, for your children, for a parent, or for a sibling.
\nHave the courage to ask God to reveal anything for which you need to repent and apologize, as well as anything for which you need to offer forgiveness.<\/p>\n

One couple we talked to chose to prioritize their family\u2019s well-being in spite of obstacle after obstacle\u2014<\/strong>
\nJon, husband and father of two:<\/strong>
\nWe know we needed help for our marriage from a counselor, but after all the COVID-19 restrictions, we couldn\u2019t hire a babysitter and we had no way of going to see a counselor. But then we decided to see a counselor remotely from our home, over Zoom calls. It\u2019s been surprising how much we are getting out of it! I was expecting to lose a lot of the positive impact, but as long as we go into it each time trying to be as honest as possible, it\u2019s been very fruitful.<\/p>\n

We don\u2019t know any perfect fathers, perfect husbands, perfect brothers, or perfect sons. But we do know a lot of imperfect men who trust a perfect God to work in their lives. How does He want to work in your life and in your family?<\/p>\n

Even in the face of conflict and difficulty, you can pursue sacrificial love and make your family your first ministry. \u201cFirst\u201d doesn\u2019t mean perfect.<\/p>\n

Hitting the Reset Button<\/strong>
\nIs there a suggestion above that you could try this week? Perhaps it\u2019s starting a family worship night, or putting away your phone in the evening. Maybe you\u2019d like to find a counselor who is doing virtual sessions, or call your adult child to check in.
\nIt is good to ask ourselves regularly:\u00a0Do I need to hit the reset button?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Patrick Morley remembers hitting the reset button in his family life. His children were young and his real-estate business was taking off. As life became busier and busier and his influence grew, he told his wife excitedly, \u201cWe\u2019ve arrived!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d she replied, \u201cbut at the wrong place.\u201d<\/p>\n

One evening soon after, as they reviewed their calendar and a stack of time-consuming opportunities, a thought came to them:\u00a0Why not prioritize everything we do on the basis of who\u2019s going to be crying at our funeral?\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u201cWe did it,\u201d Patrick recalled. \u201cAnd the results saved our family.\u201d<\/p>\n

Copyright \u00a9 1986-2020\u00a0Man in the Mirror<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Family As Your First Ministry April 21, 2020\u00a0in\u00a0Man in the Mirror Blog Whether you\u2019re looking for a better work\/life balance, wondering how to spiritually lead your family, or struggling relationally at home, a good starting point is recognizing that if you have a family, your family is your\u00a0first ministry. By the Man in the Mirror <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":22,"featured_media":73745,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3380,4661],"tags":[3363,1187],"class_list":["post-73836","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","category-leadership-articles","tag-family","tag-leadership"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73836","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/22"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=73836"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73836\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/73745"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=73836"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=73836"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mesonaz.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=73836"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}